(originally titled “Real Programmers”, the title has been changed to get with the times and protect the innocent)
If it doesn't have a programming environment complete with interactive debugger, structure editor and extensive cross module type checking, real software engineers won't be seen tinkering with it. They may have to use it to balance their checkbooks, as their own systems can't.
Real software engineers don't debug programs, they dynamically modify them. This is safer, since no one has invented a way to do anything dynamic to FORTRAN, COBOL or BASIC.
Real software engineers admire JAVA for its overwhelming aesthetic value, but they find it difficult to actually program in, as it is much too large to implement. Most software engineers don't notice this because they are still arguing over what else to add to JAVA.